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XMAS SNERTZ: HAVE A VERY GULCHER CHRISTMAS!
VARIOUS REINDEER
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| | | | | (All images copyrighted) | | | | | | | | |
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Ho Ho Ho!~~ And what do you want from Santa this year?
Huh?~~ You'd
all like to get invited to that crazy Christmas
Party over at the
Gulcher Records offices?~~ Well friends--
you're in luck in 2003!~~
XMAS SNERTZ is your ticket to
the hottest holiday bash in town.~~ So
grab those stomping
shoes and pop this party platter into your
blaster!
We are met at the door by chanteuse Angel Corpus
Christi.
Angel takes our hat and reveals that it "Still Feels
Like
Christmas."~~ Ms. Corpus Christi has an alluring voice
that
makes us wanna loosen our ties and stay for a spell.~~
And
her sweet concertina just sucks us right in.
Wait a minute,
do I hear power chords coming from the coat
check room?~~ Hey, the
Automatics are in there shouting "Merry
Christmas"!~~ This one's a
really catchy holiday rocker with big
background harmonies that the
whole gang can sing along with--
"reindeer roasting on an open fire"
indeed!
Yikes!~~ Who is that rockstar swinging over our heads from
the
chandelier?~~ Why, it's Mach Bell!~~ He must be taking a
break
from his latest Thundertrain tour.~~ "C'mon Santa!" is
Mach's
newest tune, with his Elves playing backup, blowing
harmonica
and banging on the fuzztone guitar, as Bell instructs
Santa on
exactly what he's expected to deliver under the tree this
year.
Excuse us, but who are those strange characters shuffling
around
and round in circles over by the reception area?~~ Oh, don't
worry,
that's just Eddie Flowers and Crawlspace, chanting
"Christmas
Time Is Here Again."~~ You gotta admit it's a catchy
tune, sounds
like something the Beatles could have written!
Who's that dude jumping up and down on the bar, riffin'
that
"blastoff" guitar?~~ Why it's Phil Hendriks of the Stiffs,
from
Merry Ol' England!~~ If you dig great lead vocals and
tight
harmonies, you'll be rockin' to this revved-up rendition of
the
Elvis Presley classic "If Every Day Was Like Christmas."
Hey, what's that action behind the closed doors of the
Gulcher
boardroom?!~~ Who's that in there?~~ Why it's the
Chairman
himself, Kenne "Gizmo" Highland & His Vatican Sex
Kittens!
"Ho Ho Ho Merry Giz-mas!" warns Highland as Aram
Heller
unleashes a Stoogeworthy chord progression on his
Stratocaster.
Typically, Kenne's "Can I Please Crawl Down Your
Chimney?"
is in highly questionable taste, and luckily the fadeout
arrives just
in the nick of time.
Out on the balcony we can
hear some unplugged Lightnin'
Hopkins-ish acoustic guitar wafting in
on the chilly breeze.
We join the crowd listening to RED SNERTS
veteran Phil
Hundley's low-key memento to his baby daughter,
"Your
Very First Christmas."~~ With its "turtle doves and fuzzy
gloves,"
it's a charming change of pace.
Meanwhile out back in
the Gulcher cottage, the lights are low
and the Korps--that
noteworthy duo of~~ Kenny Kaiser & Kenne
Highland--are crooning of
wintery romance in "The Blizzard Of
'78."~~ Groove to the Freddie
Cannon keyboards on this X-rated
outtake version!
Up front in
the foyer Monsterpop, just in from Scotland with a
gigantic sack of
Gulcher fan mail, unleashes "Coming Home For
Christmas"!~~ This is
fine old school rock 'n' romance, heartfelt
vocals and soaring
guitars, all gift-wrapped with production that
sounds like a million
pounds.
Like a snert in the punchbowl,~~ "(I Spent) Christmas With
The
Devil" stops the party dead in it's tracks.~~ Lyrics like
"Santa
came from the same folks that brought us Coke" stun the
revelers
as the haunting melody plays on.~~ Then, from the back of
the
packed Gulcher ballroom a shout erupts:~~ "Hey!~~ This is a
funny
song!~~ MX-80 is the balls!"~~ The whole crowd erupts with
cheers
and carries the band around the room on their shoulders.
We detect some tasty electronic thumps and blurps coming from
the
hot tub area so we dive right in with Ted Niemiec's bubbly
"Be More
Often (Chirsitmas Version)."~~ The Gizmos co-founder
paints a
pleasant audio canvas, "like a winter exhibition by Monet
or one of
those impressionable guys."
Pansy Division are lurking over there
under the mistletoe, but be
forewarned, those innocent-looking lads
are planning to have a
"Homo Christmas" this year. A hilarious XXX
number and our
sides are still sore from laughing.~~ We might have
more than just
sore "sides" if the Pansies get their Christmas wish.
Out back on the loading dock, Stalingrad Symphony are
gifting
us with "Old Taunt & Bomb," excerpted from their
operatic
opus "Struggle." See if you can catch Bill
McCarter's
inside notes.~~~~
Heading to the buffet table, we
find Rich Stim entertaining the
guests on his steel drums, knocking
out that wonderful Xmas
chestnut "Jingle Bells."~~ MX-80's lead
singer is all instru-mix here,
editing in a few new and spacey
twists and even a snatch of hip
hop to update this old standard.
The Walking Ruins are set up on the diving board out by
the
Gulcher swimming pool, mobbed by the holiday
partygoers.
"Happy Hardcore New Year" is the perfect choice for
this
wild-eyed gaggle, happily living up to it's two-fisted title.
Well it sounds like the cops are swarming out front, and
they've
started battering down the office doors.~~ Time for one last
song!
It wouldn't be a Christmas party without some cool surf
music
and Kenny Kaiser's awesome X-Ray Tango are here to
oblige!
"We Three Kings Of Orient Are" is groovin' away in the
back-
ground as Gulcher prez Bob Richert leads us all in a
snaking,
shaking conga line out the office window and down the rear
fire
escape to safety.
What a party!~~ What a CD!~~ Are you
dreaming of a SNERTZ
Christmas?~~ Who isn't?!~~ Order your XMAS
SNERTZ today!
(CMB)
Happenin' holiday music from 16 Gulcher
artists including
Thundertrain's MACH BELL;~~ GIZMOS Kenne
Highland
(Vatican Sex Kittens), Eddie Flowers (Crawlspace),
Ted
Niemiec, and Phil Hundley (back for his second helping
of
Snerts);~~ the MX-80 SOUND Family of Angel Corpus
Christi, Rich
Stim, and MX-80 themselves;~~ UK Power Pop
from the STIFFS,
MONSTERPOP, and the AUTOMATICS;
Bill McCarter's STALINGRAD
SYMPHONY;~~ Ken Kaiser's
X-RAY TANGO and, from '78 with Highland,
THE KORPS;
Bloomington's Walking Ruins;~~ and from San
Francisco
everyone's favorite queers, PANSY DIVISION!!
Sixteen
Holiday Rockers!!
Thirteen Previously Unreleased!!
Twelve
Original Songs!!
You'll have a VERY GULCHER CHRISTMAS this year!! | |
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| | Price: | | $12.00 | |
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| | Media: | | CD | |
| | Records in set: | | 1 | |
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| | Label: | | GULCHER | |
| | Release Number: | | GULCH 420 | |
| | Manufactured: | | US | USA |
| | Release Date: | | 11/18/03 | |
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| | Condition: | | NEW | (not used) |
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| | Availability: | | MULTIPLE IN STOCK | |
| | Last Updated: | | 10/8/05 | |
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| | Seller Item Ref #: | | GULCHER 420 | |
| | GEMM Reference #: | | GML757550339 | |
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